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schizophrenia

a child 12 years
mommy what are you doing?
  
mom-all things yellow are evil must break. yellow is not evil mom. god said.

mom. jesus pictures covering the walls. candles everywhere. mom- evil spirits in the house. . child not real mommy. you are scaring me. mom. walls covered in red lipstick crosses. she covered legs with pen crosses. burning paper. screaming. she is talking to someone. mommy there is no one their. meds not working. mom tries to kill her herself . throw herself infront of subway. police take mom away to hospital. finally peace. child no more raising an enfant brother  . mom returns but doesnot take her meds. rice throw everywhere. burning many objects. mom. i am a servant for god. mom you are crazy. child afraid of getting beaten. horror  feels the child. i want to die please. god please let me die. i am suffering said the child. mom- mother mary is evil. bull shit mom. i hate you.  why can you be a normal mom. mom hospitalize. she is much better. the scars remain forever. the child now adult is still very much afraid
very dark writing. i am sorry. it is all true. theraphy for me . i love my mother so much.. she was ill she didnt know what she is doing
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:iconshirkee:
Shirkee Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012
Oh my God, it must be so much scary especially for child! I couldn't gather myself. I'm so so much sorry that it happened to You. If I only could help you somehow, but I cannot :< Ana, please be strong :*
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:iconyoulittlemonkey:
youlittlemonkey Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012
I am so sorry you went through so much my dear friend, I cry for all ou have been through. We love you and we support you:hug:
You are stronger then you realize. God bless you dear:hug:xx
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012
my dear friend paula i thank you for your love and support. god bless you sweet friend
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:iconyoulittlemonkey:
youlittlemonkey Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012
Anytime Ana, God bless you too Ana xx
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:iconblackantoid:
BlackAntoid Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm glad your mom is better now.
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2012
thank you very much
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:iconafonyavi:
AfonyaVi Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012
My mother also has schizophrenia. And I know what you went through as a child, because I am still going through that now. God Bless :)
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012
you too dear. my heart and prayers with you.
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:iconsaneme:
SaneMe Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
this is really good.I like it.
Glad I'm not that bad when it comes to my voices.I been in and out fo hospitals for a year now and I hope I'm not hurtign my family like your mom did to you.
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012
thank you dear. i am so sorry that you suffer the same illness. my heart goes out to you, my mother sees visions and well as voices. this voices are hurting her, there are tormenting her like demons . instructing her to do terrible things. many things i did not have the courage to write as yet. i love my mom so i dont blame her. she is a wonderful loving mother .
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:iconsaneme:
SaneMe Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Whats meds have she try so far.May be she needs to switch meds.thats what I had to do nw I only have bugs and vocies may be once a week at the most.I glad you dotn blame her.I jsut wish you never had to go though it in the first place.
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012
right now she is much better. she said her mind is good but she has no energy whatsoever. the voices have stopped and the visions. thank you dear
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:iconsaneme:
SaneMe Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
wow thats great thigns ahve stoped sad she has no engery.may beits a sideffect.what meds she on?may be try google the side effects of them.that could cause her to not have engery cause this one hospital I was at put me on two anti-psychotics and it made me tired so when I got home I and my mom change the dose.then when to the dr and asked him if it was ok adn he said yes.so now I'm not tired anymore.
and your welcome
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012
they tried reducing the dose. risperdone she felt she was becoming ill again. she said to leave the dose. she is afraid of becoming ill again. she told me it is horrible experience. she has suffered so much.
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:iconsaneme:
SaneMe Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm on riperdal its the same as risperidone just different namebread plus Abilfty.risperdal does make you tired.I feel like crap a few days but soon the sideeffects went away.at less thats what it does with me I mean I'm still tired but nt as bad.may be she just needs time
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:icontobyjo:
TobyJo Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
truly an emotional piece on so many levels .
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012
thank you dear. i have kept this bottle inside, if i have the courage i will write more. they is much more to be told. i need self healing
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:iconbird-bone:
bird-bone Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Very well written. I'm sorry it's still so scary for you.
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012
it was awful dear. my mother is still batting with it. i have seen frightening things. thank you dear
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:iconbird-bone:
bird-bone Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I can imagine how awful it must still be. It's a powerful thing you can still see your mother as a victim of her illness. I wish you strength.
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012
i know now that it was her illness. she is a wonderful mother, recently she was hospitlize 4 years ago. same nightmare again but i help her this time battle the awful visions and voices. i was with her every day at the hospital. i help her recover. our bond is stronger than ever
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:iconbird-bone:
bird-bone Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
She can be happy to have you. I know I'm a stranger, but I just dare to say the following: Please don't forget about yourself, due to all of this.
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012
i wont dear. i am an artist. i enjoyed it so much. i that you for caring
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:iconbird-bone:
bird-bone Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Anytime. You're very welcome.
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:iconstefanpriscu:
stefanpriscu Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012
this is deep.sorry you've been through this.beeing who you are now shows you are STRONG!!!
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012
thank you dear. i try to be strong but deep inside i am still scared
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:iconstefanpriscu:
stefanpriscu Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012
im sorry.but im very sure you will find the power in yourself!!
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:icondark-erotic-weapons:
Dark-Erotic-Weapons Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012
:icontardgrinnhugplz:Ana it sounds like you have been through a real tough time as a child and still going through it in your adult life .I think the best thing you can do is seek some professional help.I can clearly see that you have friends that care about you...and want to help but I think you need to see someone on a regular basis.Maybe get involved in some kind of group therapy.I hope it all works out for you Ana I think that you are a very nice person and should not have to be going through this alone.
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2012
thank you dear friend. i have deep scars that dont heal. i am still afraid. when my mother has this illness she is a different person. recently she was hospialze again 4 years ago. even as an adult i saw terriflying things. i will write more. i might see a professional soon to cope with fear and nightmares. . god bless you from friend ana
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:icondark-erotic-weapons:
Dark-Erotic-Weapons Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2012
I am really very sorry for you Ana I feel that you have a very sad future ahead of you and it's very sad.I hope that some time in your life you find some peace:huggle:
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:iconlulupoo:
LuLupoo Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012
My friend this was so very sad to read, I am sorry that life has been so hard for you, and still is. I wish I had the right words to say to you, that can make any difference. All I can really say is that if writing about this makes you feel better then keep writing. You have my support and the support of your friends on here always. I know this had to be very difficult for you put this into words and how much this hurts you and is still hurting right now. My heart really goes out to you my friend. I hope and pray one day that you will find the peace you look for. I will always be here for you. Love you my friend :hug:
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012
thank you dear lucy. i was inspired to write. i been having nightmares and afraid her illness will return. the meds are not great. it is helping by writing, thank you dear friend. i may write more for healing
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:iconlulupoo:
LuLupoo Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012
Your very welcome Ana, I am sorry to hear that you are having nightmares and fearing that your her illness may return, maybe if it does.. maybe your mom needs to get on different medication. Keep writing, do whatever you feel helps you. :hug:
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:iconbitch0nline:
Bitch0nline Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012
awww Ana this is such a sad few lines I am so sorry that this was what your life has been like.I hope you get some help soon and feel better soon. :tighthug:
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012
my friend i am trying to cope. it is very difficult with deep scars within. writing has help. hopefully i have the courage to write more
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:iconbitch0nline:
Bitch0nline Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012
I hope you feel better soon Ana I hope everything goes well for you :huggle:
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:iconwebdoll:
Webdoll Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012
Ana it is kind to hard to relate to this as I have never had the experience of knowing anyone personally that had this illness.I know that schizophrenia is a horrible disease of the mind and I am familiar with it as this is something that so many people suffer with in the world today.But the fact that this was a reality in your life and you growing up as a child had to be a part of this must of made your childhood very traumatic and to say the least.Unfortunately.What makes me feel bad is knowing that this is still a part of your life. I am glad that you brought it to the surface as if it helps you in any way to get support from your friends then I am glad that you did.Writing about it I would say is some good therapy and I hope that you get to speak to professional person about this so that it may help you release those feelings you locked inside.If you need to just talk about it just drop me a note.Your not alone I just want you to know that.:icontardgrinnhugplz:
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012
i am thinking of creating a mental illness support group on deviant art. i telling you dear friend the scars are very deep. many things i didnt write. it is so frigtening. writing has helped. god bless you dear friend
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:iconwebdoll:
Webdoll Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012
:huggle: Ana I think that is a very fine idea and in the process it will help you deal with the issues you are having in your own life and that will also enabled you to share your stories with other people that can have a better understanding of what you are going through.Good luck with the group
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:iconlust0fadeeperpain:
Lust0fADeeperPain Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012
Ana this is very sad for me to read about a dear friend.I had no idea that growing up was so hurtful and scary for you as a child.You are such a good girl and I cannot even imagine why you had to go through such horror in your life.I think what the most tragic part about this is being a child and not having an understanding of it.Dear friend I pray things are better now.Keep strong in prayer Ana.I just wanted you to know that I love you friend and if you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask
:iconloveyouplz:
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012
melissa the scars i have is too deep. i be having nightmares. recently 4 years ago my mom was hospitalized again after they discontinued her meds that work for decades, the nightmare came back. all the weird stuff again .i am so afraid she will get sick again. i am taking care of her since my father passed away. i look for signs of her illness. i am afraid. thank you dear friend. love you so
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:iconlust0fadeeperpain:
Lust0fADeeperPain Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012
It does seems that way that you have suffered a great deal Ana because of your mother's mental illness...and for that I am very sad for you.Ana why did they discontinue her meds this doesn't make a lot of sense to me?It is not as if she can be without them or most of the problems will return.Why would a doctor even do that knowing this?
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012
they dont care melissa. the old meds work very well. the new meds help with the psychotic elements but she has no energy whatsoever and losing memory at times. it is a nightmare. my mom as suffered greatly. thank you dear melissa
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:iconlust0fadeeperpain:
Lust0fADeeperPain Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2012
That is so sad for you.I think you need to have a talk with the doctor there must be some reason that they put her on different meds My heart really goes out to you friend..:huggle:
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:iconrare2bme:
rare2bme Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012  Professional Photographer
Keep writing...this is very powerful Ana.
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012
thank you dear rudy. do you think i should write more. i was in tears but it helped. there is much more
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:iconrare2bme:
rare2bme Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012  Professional Photographer
You are very welcome my dear friend. Let it all out. It is a cleansing process that will help in so many ways.
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:iconundead-academy:
Undead-Academy Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow very emotional , well done .
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:iconanalovecatdog:
analovecatdog Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012
thank you patty. writing is helping me cope. should i write more. i am hurting still
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:iconundead-academy:
Undead-Academy Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yes write what you feel , it really helps . Helped me get over the loss of my Mom :) I wrote poetry to cope with the pain . :iconhug1plz:
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